is it crazy to leave everything and move for love ?

[immer]

Well said, dorothea.

And alchi -- don't forget the current Euro 2009 song?

[Phillip]

The correct answer to the original thread question is "YES". No further commentary was necessary.

[blueorange]

[immer]

I fully realize that Phil is just trying-on-for-size the pill-turding troll role, but let's assess original poster's actual request:

[immer]

Just an added thought, alchi...

How would you feel about having your Austrian man actually READ this thread... and then TALK to you about this?

Or even TALK to us?

[Silvia]

[djk17]

Well, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. Met my guy when I was on holidays and on Mariahilferstrasse. And yes, he wanted to move to Canada to be with me. I negotiated a year in Vienna, then 2, and now I've got a 10-year visa He still is holding out hope that we'll move to Vancouver one day But then again he's German not Austrian.

however, I made him pass muster with my family and friends first (told him they weren't loveblind and asked them to be honest with me, which they were--they all adore him)

I also told him that we would be getting married when I arrived. Thought he'd have a heart attack. But he took about 15 minutes to get over the shock and agreed. Then I told him I wanted him to ask me properly (his timing) and then I wanted an engagement ring. That was a long fight. He said much later that he bought me one because he realised that it was a big cultural difference (no way was I going for the thin little Germanic band, sorry, grew up with glitter as a sign of promise and commitment and of a willingness to invest in me/us)

I do agree with the above posters. There is a lot said here that is very, very valuable. I'd advise you to keep this advice in mind--you'll know in your heart if it is the right thing or not, if he's the right one or not. Also, try to meet his friends. That will tell you a lot about him too.

If it IS the right thing, do it. It was for me, and I'm happy and can't imagine life without him. BTW my DH was 48 when I met him, and I was 36.

Good luck!

[Damn_Yankee]

[djk17]

LOL yes, I do think that makes a difference!

but what people have posted about being the one taking the risk, without language/friends/support and potentially a lot of adjustment to Austrian life, depending on your partner for everything...that has been also true for me. I like what someone said about insisting on being given time to adjust at your own pace. I've got the best husband ever but still I had to be very assertive about my right to take time to adjust in my own way, and I'm sorry I'm not fluent in a difficult language in 6 months, yada yada yada. BTW he used to compare his exchange year in the States with my language problems "I just had to start speaking English, so you should just start speaking German". Until I rather vehemently reminded him he had 10 years of school Latin and 8 years of English behind him. I'd squat, null, nada, zip, nothin' and was supposed to pick up the language immediately? Now he says nothing...

For me language and being financially handicapped by starting over have been the big things. I am far, far more passive here than is normal for me. And after 2 1/2 years my German is minimal to say the least, despite trying to cram in courses after working 2 1/2 jobs just to be able to be a teensy bit independant financially.

[Luvwines]

Make sure your boyfriend's parents are dead first before you move or else you will break up within a couple years.

[Silvia]

[Butty]

[goldfish]

I agree with a lot of points made in this post.

Getting a job is essential
Being very clear in you mind why you are moving here (and love should not be the only reason)
Making friends and mixing with Austrians
Overcoming the cultural differences, however open-minded you think you are, is not always as easy as you think
Going home at least once a year
Establishing some form of independence

In response to Slivia question. My Austrian husband and I lived in England for the first year of our marriage and he would have been happy to remain in England if I had not wanted to come and live in Austria. He would also be willing to move to England if I decided for whatever reason I did not want to live in Austria. We don't however have children and we are only answerable to ourselves, I think this makes a difference.

I know for a fact I would not have just up sticks and moved to Austria if we were not married, sorry I need commitment if I am making a huge sacrifice. I was very fortunate when I moved to Austria
a. I had a job
b. my mother in law was a lovely lady (God rest her soul) and
c. I had lived in Austria before as an au-pair girl, so I had some idea as to what living in Austria would be like.

One of the down sides of living in Austria as a non white European, is that it is very visible that I am not Austrian (I believe you said you were of Indian decent). I have (on more than one occasion) been abused by right wing extremist, once on a tram in Vienna I was verbally abused by skinheads, I was so shocked I did not know how to respond and another time I was cycling and someone make a gun sign with their hands and pointed at me. Now I would be lying if I said I was not shaken up by these experiences but my rational feelings are that I will not allow a bunch of neo nazi idiots to chase me from a country where I have chosen to and have every right to live. In other words you need a really thick skin to survive here.

All the best and the good definitely outweighs the bad here

[brownlilly]

My Austrian husband and i have recently relocated from my country- South Africa, where we'd lived for 3 years. We agreed before hand to live there first and then move. We've been together for much longer, having met in a third country. However, I am of African descent and no matter how hard i try my inlaws see me as a guest and not as a part of their family. Despite the fact that i am their only grandchild's mother.

I agree with prev posts that my only hope is to empower myself through learning the language and customs and doing my best to intergrate i.e finding a job and making friends. This thread (and site!) has been a real god send. Its good to know that we have a shared experience and that I have support!

[askgabriel]

yes